Introduction

Okay, as a first blog post, I want to give a little introduction and explain some things. I want to be sure that anyone who reads this is aware that I do not care whether you, a stranger on the internet, reads my blog or not. It is entirely up to you, do not blame me for any reactions you may have to what I write. I am not writing this blog for someone else to read, although if you want to read it, that is fine. I am writing this blog for me. I am writing this blog because I hope it will help me with some issues I am struggling with.

These issues include unhealthy attachments, moderate depression, self esteem issues and the jealousy, paranoia and codependency that stem from it. I am not a mentally healthy person. I know this. I need help. I know this. It is already in the works. If you have anything original to advise, I'd be happy to hear it but I've already gone through pretty much everything I can find on how to cope with depression, I know about exercise and keeping busy, all the usual things that are suggested. Please don't suggest them again.

The reason I have my display name as 'fighter' is because that's what I feel I am. Plain and simple. I have struggled emotionally and mentally for several years now and I have miraculously reached this point with good GCSEs and good A-levels despite my struggles. I have not suffered bereavement. I have not suffered financially. I have not suffered a lack of friendships or abusive friendships. I have not suffered abusive relationships, or been abused by family members. I'm not a young carer, I'm not homeless. I am an average teenager who hasn't been through any particularly traumatic or highly pressurised experiences.

And yet I am depressed. I have no apparent reason to be but for some reason, that is the lot I have been given. But I am not attention seeking. I am not selfish. I am not pathetic. I am not weak. I have spent too long thinking like that. I have wasted too much time feeling sorry for myself and not enjoying the good things I have been given. I am strong, because no matter what, no matter how low I fall, I will not give up. I am not so depressed as to be suicidal. I will not give up. I will fight for myself and I will fight for the people I love. Even if fighting doesn't mean pushing and striving and desperately trying to hold on to something. I will fight in whatever way will get me to the place I want to be. I am ill. And I will not be defined by my illness. It is a big part of my life but I will not be defined by it.