30 Day Song Challenge! Day 3

Day 3, one of your favourite songs

Okay, this is a really tricky one because I have so many favourites. There's so many songs in my iTunes that I've listened to on repeat for days and weeks on end. But right now, there's one that speaks to me a little more than the countless others that I love. And that is R5's Nine Lives.

The reason I've chosen this song is that it's really upbeat - and the beat is solid - with a catchy melody and funky bass line as well as a chorus that just gets to me every time. The lyrics express my feeling of having a lot that I want to do with my life, of an independence that I crave in doing those things and there's a particular lyric "free fall, I wanna feel it all" that expresses perfectly the fact that I want to experience as many feelings as I can. I associate this line especially with the (hopefully existent) feeling of falling in love again after the disaster that was my ex since I shut myself off from things like that for a long time after that and I want to be able to experience that feeling again.

I've rambled a bit I know but (having not actually slept last night) I'm pretty tired and I kinda have a lot of feelings about this song that I have trouble phrasing sometimes.

R5's Nine Lives

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnFbV5v02eQ

30 Day Song Challenge! Day 2!

Day 2! A song from your early childhood:

Okay, so I grew up watching a handful of Disney films over and over again and my favourite was The Aristocats so, the song I have chosen is

Disney's Scales & Arpeggios
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khvaIwonxUk

I'm sorry, I had to :D

30 Day Song Challenge! Day 1

So just for the fun of it I'm going to try this. I'm not sure how well I'll do but I will be thinking about the tricky ones for a while! Some are obvious to me but others are not so easy.

However Day 1 is a song that describes me. And this was honestly the first song that came to mind:
Taylor Swift's A Place in this World. It's upbeat and fun with lyrics that I genuinely relate to, just a girl trying to find the place she fits into. Ultimately your groups of friends will change through your life and no one will be there through the whole of your life - you walk alone. But despite the mistakes you - or rather I - make, I will always get through it. I know I will because I've done it before. But this song always makes me feel okay about not knowing where my path will lead. Which is really nice (: So that's Day 1!

Taylor Swift's A Place in this World
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKk90XsMzac

Confession

Kinda worrying confession coming. I rewatched and then reread Twilight - just the first one - and here's the worrying bit. I actually kind of enjoyed the book.

The movie is horribly overdramatic, with no actual basis for a relationship, no emotional development, no getting to know each other stage. They're just suddenly in love. That's not how it goes. The best characters in the movie are Charlie and the biology teacher with his golden onion.

However, then you get to the book. Reading the book again, I was reminded of how sarky Bella can be and how actually funny Edward can be. I  was reminded of them eating lunch together, of them talking, Edward explaining Carlisle's story, explaining Rosalie's behaviour better, them actually getting to know each other before they decided they were in love. That is far more realistic to me. And let's not forget that there are actually background characters in the book - Jess, Mike, Eric, Angela, all have much better, more individual characters than they do in the movie.

I also think that the book develops the plot better. Initially it's a normal thing like a girl moving to a town she hates and settling in. Then it becomes strange with a kid who's not quite human. And then he and his entire family are vampires and regardless of this, she loves him. And then, holy crap, there's a hunter out for her blood. But the story progresses well enough that you don't realise how big the difference is until you compare the beginning and the end.

I have been through several stages of my opinion of Twilight. I started as a mindless fan. That haze then faded, and I turned to the other extreme of mindless hatred, helped along by the other fandoms I was in. However, having now had the storm against Twilight die down and having given several years in between, going back to it now with a fresh mind has opened my head to more objective views. While Twilight is by no means anywhere near the best book I have read, it is also nowhere close to the worst.

I hope that others, as they get older (I know I was very young), will also be able to give every book series the open-minded chance it deserves. Opinion past that is entirely your own.

The Condom Debate

So I was out with some friends last night and somehow we got onto the topic that we all keep condoms handy just in case. Except one. She was saying how she'd never do anything so 'stupid' as to sleep with someone she doesn't know - well, it wouldn't necessarily be someone she doesn't know, at some point she could get really horny and have some kinky public toilet sex with her boyfriend; but that's beside the point - and the reason she gave for this is because she has 'morals'.

Now, it's entirely her choice who she sleeps with and when. However, what I don't agree with is her reasoning. By phrasing it the way she has, she has made it seem as if she is better than someone who chooses to sleep around. And someone who chooses to sleep with someone they don't know is no better or worse than anyone else. Someone who chooses to sleep with five different guys in a night is no better or worse than anyone else. Someone who chooses not to have sex at all in their lifetime is no better or worse than anyone else.

Doing what you want with your body is not something that constitutes 'morals'. Morals are essentially a societal fiction because they are never universal. The only thing that I would say makes sleeping around an issue is if the participants are not responsible with it - if the woman does not have contraception, if they don't use a condom etc. This is the only thing that matters, I would say. Because your body is yours and it isn't for anyone else to judge what you do with it. I would just say to look after it.

And surely it's better to carry a condom and not need it than need it and not carry it? Surely that would be the sensible thing? 

New Year, New Me

Cliche, perhaps but true enough. It's a bit early still but I'm thinking about New Year's resolutions and what I want to get out of the year to come. So I've come up with some ideas.

1. Continue improving fitness and doing exercise, to reach the targets I have set myself. Perfectly possible, in fact, even probable.

2. Continue improving confidence and mental state. Go to therapy, take the tablets, settle myself and steady myself and become the person I want to be.

3. Go to uni. That can cover the whole year because I need to apply for uni, apply for finance, apply for accommodation, prepare and pack, and then go.

4. Learn to drive. Hopefully will be done by the time I leave for uni at the latest.

5. Try and be a better person. Be less irritable towards certain annoying colleagues. Work hard, play hard, give every effort to everything I do, and just show the kindness that I always appreciate being shown to me - saying thankyou, even for the little things, trying to be as helpful as I can to make life easier for those around me. Appreciation would be nice but I don't think I'll get it so I'll need to practise finding the satisfaction in knowing that I have done the right thing, I have done what I can, I have been a good person.

These are my aims for the next year and I believe that I can do them. It will be hard work, I think, but I think I can. If I still have this blog this time next year, I will review my year and see how well I did.

Worrying

Okay, I'm really kinda trying to sort through a situation and it's not going so well. The situation is that my best friend and my ex have gotten pretty close - which is fine. I feel a little weird about it but they're not doing anything wrong. Except this week, my best friend has been a little strange with me.

On Monday, we had a small argument, that really got to me because I was over-tired and also she was telling my I was wrong when I was right. Even with the evidence that I was right. And it annoyed me and also upset me because it isn't a good feeling to be told that you're wrong. It also wasn't something blurry or that depends on perspective or belief - it was simple, numerical fact. So I took a few minutes outside to calm down, get back under control.

When I went back in, we talked about a friend who was hungover and couldn't remember the night before. I'd been out a few nights previously and some things had happened that my best friend disapproved of. So when I mentioned that, although the memories are blurry, I do remember most of what happened that night and she asked if anything did happen, I chose not to mention probably the biggest thing that happened. And I remember thinking at the time that her tone made it seem like she already knew. Or maybe I was just feeling guilty for not telling her already. I do usually tell her everything, especially if she doesn't want to hear it.

And then it was a bit weird on Tuesday night. We went to the cinema, had planned for it to be the two of us. And she invited my ex along. And he came and I got along with him fine. It was a little strange and I was a little more distant than I used to be but for very good reason and it is probably the healthiest way to be right now. But with her it was more awkward. And I'd asked her what I had done wrong but she didn't answer. And then after the movie, I asked again and she still didn't answer. So I decided not to push it. If she didn't want to talk about it, I wouldn't make her.

But then talking to my ex today, he suggested that we "have a talk" and though I said that she didn't seem to want to talk about it, that I wasn't going to push it, he still suggested that I did. And I don't trust him anymore, I'm really quite wary of him. As another friend pointed out, he's biased. He could be trying to ruin my best friend and I's friendship. But I keep having this argument with myself that goes around in circles - that doesn't sound like him, but he's different now, but has he become that and why would he want to do that, maybe he likes her, maybe she likes him, maybe he wants to feel less guilty about that or something, but that doesn't sound like him.

It's driving me crazy and I honestly have no idea how to proceed. I don't know what to do. I was thinking about asking her to just tell me whether or not there really is a problem and clear some of this uncertainty but I don't know. I just want it to be clear.